Before we dive into the idea of approval addiction, let’s just talk for a moment about why you are here. There are four major questions to answer as you progress through life if you are going to do and be all that God called you to do and be.
First, “Who am I?” – and let me answer that for you if you are born again of God’s Spirit. You are His child. Your identity, your value, your self-worth has to come from the unchanging fact that you are a child of God born of the Spirit of God. You are not what you DO. If you place your identity in anything other than Christ you will at some point suffer an identity crisis. Think of it. If your identity is resting on your athletic ability, your position, your looks, your fame, your money, your intelligence, your job, your parenting skills – any of these temporal things – then what happens when the athlete is injured, when the beauty fades, when the company goes belly up or the kids leave home? Identity crisis! We MUST have the foundation of our identity, our value, and our self-worth in who we are in Christ.
Second, “Why am I alive?” – and I can answer that one with scripture:
For we are His workmanship [His own masterwork, a work of art], created in Christ Jesus [reborn from above—spiritually transformed, renewed, ready to be used] for good works, which God prepared [for us] beforehand [taking paths which He set], so that we would walk in them [living the good life which He prearranged and made ready for us]. (AMP, Ephesians 2:10)
Why are you alive? Because God prearranged and made ready a life for you to live! He created you the way a painter would create a masterpiece, the way a poet would write a poem, the way a sculptor would carefully chisel away at a piece of stone until it became what he or she envisioned! You are alive to be an expression of God’s heart in the earth; to live as He lived and love as He loved.
This leads to the next question, “Where am I going?” – and this has to do with your destiny. When you know who you are and you know that you were created with a purpose, then you know you are to live into a destiny. What is that destiny? What has God put inside of you? What graces? What gifts? What natural and supernatural abilities? These are equippings that come with the call, and the very moment God gives you the word concerning your destiny, the equipping to do what He has called you to do comes with it! So where has He called you? What has He destined for you to become?
Lastly, “What impact will I make when I get there?” Identity. Purpose. Destiny. Impact. What will your legacy be? What will you be remembered for and how will the world be different because of the life you have lived? What impact will there be when you dream God’s dreams, think His thoughts, and align your values with His values? What will be the outcome of you living into your destiny?
OK – now why did I start out with these very introspective questions? The Bible says in Proverbs 29:25, The fear of man brings a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe. (NKJV) Did you know that there is a snare, a trap out there that can keep you from your destiny? It is the fear of man and it is connected to what I mentioned above. If you don’t know who you are you will look to man to find your self-worth instead of looking to Christ. So many of your life’s decisions will be based on what others think instead of what God thinks.
If you don’t know you were created with purpose you will look to this world for your sense of purpose. Your supreme appetite will be for the approval, accolades, acknowledgment, and recognition of man rather than your supreme appetite being the will of God. If you don’t have in your heart the God-breathed destiny – the path you are to travel to come into the fullness of what God has called you to be – and if the vision of the impact is not present in your mind’s eye, you will easily be derailed by the opinions of the masses.
Just imagine me right now grabbing you by the shoulders, looking you in the eye and shaking you! Do not live for the approval of man! It will entrap you! It’s a snare! Stop feeding the addiction! Don’t live for the “Likes” – don’t feed on the number of “Followers” – don’t sell your soul for more “Subscribers” – do you hear me!? STOP looking to man for approval! Live for GOD! Can I get a witness up in here!?
Trust in the Lord with all your heart. There is safety there. Look to God for your identity, your purpose, and your destiny. It is only in living for God that you will have the impact and leave the legacy that He intended for you to have and to leave.
It’s early morning in my house – all are sleeping, all is quiet. It’s one of my favorite times of the day. No rushing, no deadlines, no last-minute search for backpacks and jackets, keys, and purse. There is something about the sense of quiet, the stillness.
In a world of constant noise, I find that “quiet” has become a precious commodity. Did you ever notice that almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes? I think we all need to “unplug” sometimes.
The other day, in the midst of looming deadlines, orders piling in my inbox, church meetings, and school activities, I decided to stop at a little park down the street with my kids. It was a GORGEOUS day. My three-year-old & five-year-old were thrilled! I sat in the grass and stopped to take it all in. I listened to their laughter. I pushed them on the swings. We all sat in a swinging chair and counted the cars on a train that went by us – 133 cars! They thought that was something!
We looked at our little part of the city from up on a hill, then we sat down below on a bench and talked about how the view changed. We listened to a bird with a very interesting call, and soon a few sticks on the ground became staffs that would forge a new path into an unexplored patch of trees. The kids thought they had quite the adventure when a nearby dog began barking at them and they rushed back to the safety of mom’s side!
Finally, we all laid in the grass and looked at the clouds. We watched the breeze move through the trees, and let the sunshine warm our faces. How wonderfully therapeutic it is when we “unplug” from the noise of the world and become aware of the unrushed world of God’s creation. In the middle of my “busy” God lead me to a pocket of peace, a place of stillness where I could take a deep breath and recharge.
I want to encourage you to find that place of rest today. Take time to quiet your mind and be still. Take time to be aware of your children and your spouse. Be present in your heart and mind. Breathe deeply. Let God speak to you. What a difference it will make in your life when you choose to protect your peace, when you become intentional about being still and at rest.
You’ve only got one life to live. Don’t let deadlines and “to-do” lists drag you through it. You can still be productive – sometimes more productive – when you “stop and smell the roses.” Memories aren’t made in the “busy-ness” of life, but in the moments that we choose to make special. Make some memories today. Your children will thank you for it later!!
If you’ve been looking for the best beauty secrets out there, look no further. The kind of beauty I’ll teach you about is timeless, captivating, all natural, and it won’t cost you a dime!
What defines beauty? Is it Webster’s Dictionary? Is it defined by the results of a Google search? Or how about looking to the beauty “Bibles” out there – Cosmo, Elle, In Style and the like. We’ve all read the tips on how to lengthen lashes, make lips bigger, lose belly fat, have flawless skin, perfect eyebrows, and wider eyes. We plump, we primp, we highlight and low light. We suck it in and push it up, and when it gets to be too much we just buy some Spanx!
Beauty is a word that carries many connotations, and brings to the surface many emotions, both good and bad; but what does God look at and say, “Now THAT is beautiful!” According to 1 Peter 3:3-4, it is not all of the outward adorning that turns God’s head, but the, “…hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in [His] sight.”
So if God had a beauty magazine, what would His trade secrets consist of? Here are a few “Beauty Secrets” from the true “Beauty Bible.”
1. Highlight the Heart
Listen, when I wake up in the morning I do not look in the mirror and say, “Now THAT’S beautiful!” My husband is very thankful that I “adorn” the outward appearance, and make myself attractive to him. I do spend time grooming myself, but God’s beauty secret is to spend more of my time cultivating the beauty of my heart. In fact, I’m sure there are days my husband would have preferred I spent more time with God getting filled up with love and peace, than time I spent in front of the mirror trying on my pre-baby clothes that still didn’t look as good as they did pre–baby; thus resulting in a funky mood as the mind became preoccupied with how to lose 10 more pounds!
When we cultivate inner beauty, all the issues of life that flow from the heart are also made beautiful. Worry, stress, low self-esteem, discontent, and shallow character do not make a person beautiful. People who neglect the heart may be outwardly beautiful, but they become spiritually ugly. Then there are those who might seem plain in appearance by the world’s standard, but whose hearts pour out such radiance, grace, and peace that their loveliness becomes magnetic and very attractive.
2. Avoid Fashion Trends
Don’t you cringe when you look back at old photos of yourself from the 70s? 80s? 90s? Some of those fashion trends we thought were so “in” at the time turned out to be more of a momentary lack of good fashion sense! Ahh, but there are a few classics that stand the test of time, like a good pair of jeans, and a “little black dress.” Did you know that God has told us what is “in style” for the inner man? It is the incorruptible, unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. This wardrobe will always look stunning on you, and it will never go out of style.
So, if you want to wear gentleness like a good pair of jeans, and clothe your heart in quietness, you need to know how to put these clothes on!
Item 1: Gentleness
The word used in 1 Peter 3:3-4 for gentle is (PRAUS), meaning meek, mild, a soothing quality of character. The image is of a horse that can be trainable and teachable. Now, before you go feminist on me, the word is not an indication of weakness, but of strength and power under perfect control. It implies ruling your own spirit well, operating in humble wisdom, and walking in divine love.
What does the heart clothed in gentleness look like? It doesn’t have to exert its rights, have its own way, get the last word, share gossip, retaliate, give in to every emotion, or refuse correction. It does stay open to God, looks for His direction, waits before speaking, submits its emotions to wisdom, chooses to forgive, and chooses to love.
I’m reminded of a scene in the movie Gladiator when Maximus came face to face with the Roman Emperor. He had the strength, capability and opportunity to carry out vengeance upon this man, but he knew it was not time. He brought his strength and power under perfect control. He ruled over his own spirit.
That was a movie, but I know of a REAL MAN, that was meek and gentle, and make no mistake about it, He was not weak! No man took His life, He laid it down. Though He had authority to call down legions of angels, He kept that power under perfect control until He finished the job He came to do. Jesus is gentleness personified.
When you clothe your heart in this kind of gentleness it is BEAUTIFUL. It is PRECIOUS in God’s sight.
Item 2: Quietness
The word used in 1 Peter 3:3-4 for quiet is (HESUCHIOS), and it does not imply that you need to stop talking and keep your opinions to yourself! It actually means peaceful, undisturbed; tranquility arising from within.
What does a heart clothed in quietness look like? It is a heart filled with faith and trust; a heart that has been quieted by God’s love and filled with His peace – not a heart that is striving and restless. It’s not striving for beauty (consumed by clothes, jewelry, makeup, diets, hairstyles). It’s not striving to be accepted (through perfectionism and people pleasing). It’s not striving to be enough (pretty enough, smart enough, spiritual enough). All of that striving clothes the heart in irritation, frustration and depression. The heart filled with faith and trust is not trying to be beautiful because it already is. It is not trying to be accepted because it already is. It’s not trying to be enough because it already is!
When you have a quiet spirit, in the depths of your soul you are at rest, and from deep within comes a calm and peace that invites those around you to be at rest, and that, my friends, is very attractive!
Have you ever wanted to be that woman that walks into a room and turns heads? Cultivate the inner beauty of the heart and clothe it with a gentle and quiet spirit. This is what will turn God’s eyes toward you, captivating His attention, and leaving Him breathless.
Are you overwhelmed by the circumstances that you find yourself in? Are you stuck in sadness, self-pity or depression? Do you want someone to show you the way to victory?
What if I told you a simple truth; that gratitude is the key to having victory in your circumstances. Not long ago our pastor did an amazing, life-changing teaching series called Thanksgiving Victory. I’ll never forget the impact it had on me as I considered what God had to say about being thankful, and in contrast, what He had to say about self-pity. Now, any time my thoughts and emotions start to move me in the direction of sorrow or self-pity I am quick to rehearse my blessings.
The truth is that we can all easily take for granted the good in our lives, and focus on the “bad.” As humans we tend to magnify problems. We focus intense amounts of energy on thinking about those problems, and those thoughts are expressed in our lives through worry, fear, anxiety, sorrow, anger and general STRESS.
Like a hamster on a wheel, those thoughts run and run and get us nowhere! The problems aren’t resolved, the circumstances haven’t changed, and we have only succeeded in “spinning our wheels in the mud” and getting more stuck than before.
The danger is when we entertain self-pity. The belief is that our circumstances are somehow more difficult than everyone else’s. Our problem is unique, and the pain far greater than what anyone else is experiencing. It is unfair and we are entitled to be experiencing something better (like everyone else)! Here is why it is so dangerous to think this way: you make it impossible for God to extend grace to you. Why? You feel you deserve it! Grace, by its very definition, is undeserved. It is favor that is given, not because it is owed, but because of the loving kindness of the one who extends it.
When you wallow in self-pity and depression you are absolutely cutting yourself off from the grace of God which is the ONLY thing that is going to affect REAL change in the circumstances you are so depressed over!
So what is the answer? Gratitude. Gratitude expressed in giving thanks for all the GOOD in your life! If you are reading this and scoffing at the narrow-minded simplicity of this solution in the face of your “very real” problems then you are exactly the person this message is for! Truth will set you free, but it does leave some feeling offended. Jesus set a lot of people free AND He simultaneously offended a lot of people. You can’t control every circumstance that surrounds you. You live in a fallen, cursed world where people have a free will to do all kinds of things that aren’t the will of God or the plan of God. Sometimes their free will infiltrates your world and the result is bad things happening to “good” people. You can’t control every circumstance around you, but YOU CAN control how you choose to respond!
You can stand right now, lift your hands and your heart to God and say THANK YOU LORD that I’m alive!
Are you healthy? Thank God! Do you have a roof over your head and clothes on your body? Thank God! Do you have food to eat today? Thank God! Do you have an income? Thank God! Do you have friends that love you? Thank God! Do you have a God that loves you and is for you? Thank Him! Are your children healthy? Thank Him! Is your car running? Thank Him!
As you begin to SAY, out loud, all that you are thankful for, as you rehearse how blessed you are, as you declare God’s goodness and faithfulness in the midst of even the WORST circumstances, you give God permission to release His favor and grace in the situation! So do it! Right now where you are. Be grateful! Be thankful! Rehearse your blessings, and continue to do it daily! Then stand back and watch how God brings you out of the pit and into victory!
Sipping coffee on a cool February morning and thinking about how quickly time passes….
I believe that is something we reflect on more and more with each year. We are actually encouraged to do this in the Word of God:
“So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.” – Psalm 90:12 KJV
As we think on how many days we have, or number our days as the Bible puts it, we realize that it does prompt a response from us to “apply our hearts unto wisdom.” We need wisdom in order to make the most of every day.
I’m sure you can identify when I say I want to live life well, to cherish and value what really matters, and to give God my ALL – to be whole-hearted toward Him.
I’ve recently talked a lot with my husband about these things – about our family, God’s plan for us, our future, what to make priority, how to live this year – and every year – with INTENTION. As we have been talking and meditating on this, God brought up some things in my heart, and I hope they can be a blessing to you as well.
Here is what I believe He spoke to my heart:
Seasons, seasons, seasons of life. You’ve got to know what season you are in and BE THERE. Be the best you in your present season that you can be. Don’t be constantly trying to get to the next season. There is something about being too “future me” minded that robs you of “present me” joy & contentment.
Paul learned in whatever state he was in not to be content WITH the situation, but to be content IN the situation.
We all desire to “be more.” We all know that there are greater levels of potential to be discovered, that there are places of greater development and maturity in Christ; yet, we can fall into the “I’m not yet where I want to be” trap that keeps us frustrated and sometimes disappointed with where we presently are.
Looking forward, looking at the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus, and tenaciously laying hold of it like a bull dog with a bone – this is how we develop into the fullness, the FULL LIFE of God. Yet we must remember in our passionate drive to DO more for God, He did not just call us to DO, He also called us to BE.
We must learn to BE as much present minded as we are future minded; otherwise, in our quest to finally “arrive” at our ultimate place and final destination we can miss the absolute beauty of every step we took to get there. Love your steps! Rejoice in your steps! Dance before the Lord in your steps! Every step counts. Every step makes up the journey, and every season makes up the life. LIVE in your season! OWN your season! Whether it’s finishing school, or being a stay at home mom, or taking a new job, or moving to a new city, or being a wife, or starting a ministry!
God is not disappointed with you because you haven’t yet “arrived.” My gosh, He is FOR US! He is WITH US! He is our biggest cheerleader! He is the one giving you the grace to do this thing!
We as parents find so much joy, and we are so pleased in seeing our children develop. Every season of their development is precious – not just the end of their days. How much more does God, our Heavenly Father, find joy in seeing us develop through every season of life!?
In all of our thoughts and prayers about making the most of our days, I believe God wants us to apply this wisdom to our hearts: Know your season and BE THERE. Give God your all each and every day, with each and every step. You can cast the vision, you can write it down and make it plain, you can talk about your future and God’s plan for your family; but, the only way you will see the future vision come to pass in your life is to wake up to your present reality every day, and make a decision to live – really LIVE – in that moment with joy & thanksgiving in your heart, doing what God has called you to do, in the place He has called you to be TODAY.
Lord, I lift up whoever is reading this now and I pray that their spiritual eyes would be enlightened to this truth. I pray that it would bring a renewed sense of joy & satisfaction to their present season. I pray that they would see the good stuff in the hard stuff, and that they would mine, and dig up the gold – the precious treasure – in their PRESENT situation. I pray that you would help each one to know their present season. Help them to live in that season, choose to own it, and choose to rejoice in it as they move toward the future that you have for them. What a glorious future that is! I ask these things in the mighty name of JESUS!
Have you ever been guilty of practicing performance based Christianity?
If your answer is, “Yes,” you are not alone! Yesterday as I was vacuuming my bedroom, I thought back to all the times I had asked my son to vacuum his room. He is now 20, married and out of the house so I like to remember when he was little – time goes too fast! He would vacuum, not because he wanted a clean floor, but because I had asked him to vacuum; sometimes he did it so fast I wondered whether the vacuum picked up much of anything! I was working slowly as I reminisced, and I was repeatedly going over certain areas to get as much dust, dirt and hair as I could off the floor. I had a different motive than my son did – I wanted a clean carpet – but more than that I wanted a nice, clean house for my husband to come home to.
We can have different motives for serving God too. We might give of our time at church because someone asked us to. We might give of our finances because it’s “the right thing to do.” We might even visit prisoners and pray for the sick in hospitals because the Bible says to do that, and we are taught to do what the Bible teaches us to do. At the root of many of these obligatory acts of service is a heart motive that is trying to earn approval from God and man by its works.
Though I was grateful that my son would do what I asked him to do, the fact that his motive was simply doing it because he had to DID have an effect on the end result. Could he check it off his list? Yes. Did he get it done? Yes, but his bedroom floor probably wasn’t much cleaner than when he started. When we do things for God simply because we feel obligated, or because we feel it is owed to Him, or that it will gain us His approval or man’s approval – it will have an effect on the end result!
I like how The Message Bible says it,
“Don’t just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ’s servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you’re really serving God.” ~ Ephesians 6:6-7 ~
If we are just doing what we have to do to get by, we are serving from a works-based, performance-based, law-based heart motive – and it is self-serving rather than God-serving. Our motive is an earthly reward: people seeing our “goodness,” God accepting us, or being praised for our works. It’s all about us.
On the other hand, when we serve with joy, with a smile, and with excellence, we are serving from a LOVE-based heart motive, and it is others-centered, and it is God-honoring! Our motive is love: seeing others blessed, adding value to the businesses we work for or the clients we serve, people being healed, delivered, and set free as we prepare a place for them to come and worship. The awesome part is that when we don’t seek an earthly reward, God gives us a heavenly one:
“All good deeds are gifted back from the Lord...” ~ Ephesians 6:8 ~ (The Voice)
“Good work will get you good pay from the Master…” ~ Ephesians 6:8 ~ (The Message)
“You know that the Lord will reward every person who does what is right…” ~ Ephesians 6:8 ~ (CEB)
“Knowing that for whatever good anyone does, he will receive his reward from the Lord…” ~ Ephesians 6:8 ~ (AMP)
This week, pay attention to why you do what you do – whether it be caring for your children, serving in your church, cleaning your house, working – whatever it is, give yourself the litmus test. Am I doing this with real joy? With a sincere smile? With excellence? If not, check your love levels! It may be that you need to spend some time basking in God’s love so you do all you do with a right heart, one that God is ready to reward!